Happy 2019!!!
I feel that New Year's Eve/Day is the adult version of Christmas, well for those of us adults who do not have kids at least. The promise of great new things, new experiences; all the magic of what could be. I feel though as I get older, still no kids, living far from so many people I love the magic is disappearing. This hit me as I hear Nick heavy sleep breathing at 10pm on Dec 31. Then comes the anxiety attack.
DEFINITIONS:
An anxiety attack, people may feel fearful, apprehensive, may feel their heart racing or feel short of breath, but it's very short lived, and when the stressor goes away, so does the anxiety attack.
Panic attack on the other hand doesn't come in reaction to a stressor. It's unprovoked and unpredictable
At that moment my kitty that also suffers from anxiety came and cuddled with me. She is so sweet, I call her my service/spirit animal. She is the best when I am sick and especially when when I am experiencing a panic or anxiety attack.
Thinking about what 2019 holds I believe my anxiousness got the better of me and with my upcoming surgery consultation and then surgery I feel that is what triggered the attack. I also get them when I feel alone. Thinking of everything happening around me, our neighbors setting off fireworks and there I was (I know I wasn't alone, but a sleeping husband sometimes can make you feel alone) on New Year's Eve with "Friends" on the TV as I try to fall asleep. Then here came Deb, my helper and saving 'anxiety attack' grace.
I can actually remember my first panic attack, it was in 7th grade, and I was alone, that time truly alone at school. Of course I had my family which was amazing during this time and my church friends but school was a literal nightmare. After that, I would have a few here and there, but it hasn't been until recently after my diagnosis and surgery that I had been experiencing them again. When you are going through something that no one else you know is going through, it is so HARD! And no, we will not ask for help and we will not be the ones to reach out. Mainly, because society has made mental health a "bad" thing, and that you are sick if you feel anything other than happy and joyous, so here is a prescription to help you with that.
Mental health is a stigma that needs to be broken. I am fortunate enough to "snap" out of my funks and know I am truly never alone and that I have a lot of people in my corner. However, I can get in my own head and allow my thoughts to take over. That is why in 2019 I am going to focus on my Mind Over Matter, meditate, pray and really reach out when I am feeling like I have no one that understands what I am going through. I am also going to use this time to remind myself to reach out to others I may not have talked to in awhile to check in with them. See, not all bad when it comes to anxiety attacks. ☺
My 2019 word is Strength and I am already using it on January 1. I am stronger than my negative thoughts, I am stronger than what my mind thinks that I am and I am stronger than any obstacle that is put in front of me.
This is my vision board that I made for 2019, at the top is my 2019 word. I also have travel, cooking, barre, and then an Endometriosis advocate. I was blessed this holiday season to be given some truly inspiring gifts, such as journals (since I won't have a computer with me 24/7), an inspire rock (to remind me that what I am doing matters), a ballet bracelet (to remind me to keep going with Barre and that I am strong), "Becoming" (to know it is a rough road to get to the success you will achieve), "52 Projects List" (to truly understand what inspires me and what I want to do).
I know this wasn't a 'fun' entry, but I did say I was going to keep it real with you. So friends and family, if I seem distant or out of sorts, please reach out. It isn't that I don't love you or not want to do anything; it could be a funk that I am in need of getting out of. Having anxiety can really make you tired as well, so between the Endometriosis and anxiety, I can get pretty tired, pretty fast.
For anyone who suffers from anxiety or stress that sometimes feels unbearable, I take these to somewhat calm the nerves.
When Life Gives You Endo....Ask for help!
No comments